Today (19 Jan 2010) after months of planning, heartache, heartbreak and panic attacks, I am finally here in nowhere near as scary as I thought, Bangkok.
I arrived in style on Emirates A380, despite my best outfit efforts I failed to secure SFU status but did however, arrive looking glam and unruffled, as commented by my new travelling companion.
My geekyness came to the fore having purposely booked a later connection from Dubai in order to take the A380. I had arrived in DXB, with a nearly broken back as my tiny frame would not adhere to the seat comfort design on the 777. From my window I spied my latest crush, I proceeded to sprint off the aircraft leaving old people and small children reeling in my wake, had a quick refresh, scored 200 Malboro menthol for 11€, checked out the free wifi, grabbed a free copy of CNN Traveller and as I entered into the holding lounge, marvelled at the amount of quite frankly potato faced Germans on my flight.
After what seemed an eternity and 20 million trips to the loo, following my desperate attempt to remain hydrated and beautiful on my previous flight, it may well be the right thing to do but my bladder begs to differ, we finally boarded. They board it by zones, by the way.
I parked my derrier next to the window at 55K.
I was sure that I had once read that Emirates were providing inflight wifi for it's First & Business cabins, yes, I do read this stuff and I'm passing it on to you in the hope that you may be converted! I promptly whipped out my trusty iPhone, lo and behold I had a wifi connection, transfixed, I Facebooked, I used Skype to text my mother, forgetting it was 02:00 UK time, but hey!!!
I continued in this vein for sometime pondering the possibility of remaining onboard for ever when my marriage in geek heaven was rudely anulled. The aircraft doors had been closed, to my chagrin the wifi had infact been coming from within the terminal building.
Meanwhile, I had failed to notice I had been joined by two particularly tubular vegetable faced German men, I was notified of their arrival by the stench as the one with the especially bulbous nose removed his shoes. Good Lord, this is the A380, have you no respect, man??!!!!
My first evening in Bangkok was spent drinking my own body weight in Singah beer and catching up on the many years that have passed since meeting my travelling companion at university. Somewhat inebriated we stumbled up to the infamous Khaosan Road and filled our faces with chilli noodles.
The next day was spent wandering around in a dense fog of jetlag and the smog of downtown Bangkok. What little pavement there is is rammed full of food vendors and stalls selling bras, batteries or other such nick nacks. The smells eminating from the former ranged from the sublime, interesting and downright rank!
In the evening after consulting our Rough Lonely Guide Planet, we ventured out on our first tuk-tuk ride.
This is no mean feat, if you're lucky enough to find a driver who knows where you want to go, do not be fooled as more likely they may not take you there, in our case it took 3 Thai men, 2 English girls and a map to finally get us on our way. We lurched through the city streets, the wind in our hair and oohing and ahhing at shiny temples.
The driver dropped us off without detour to craft market or some other such tourist trap, bonus. However, we had failed to bring the map with us, unperturbed we marched off in the general direction indicated by the driver. We were promptly disorientated, all was not lost, we spied a police station across the street.
Fortunately, I had written the address down and used this to explain our predicament to the bemused police chief behind the desk, he smiled and called his colleague over to assist us, when that failed, a further 2 officers were consulted. Visibly disappointed and concerned for our wellbeing, the senior officer decided there was only one thing for it, he unlocked the drawer in his desk, this was greeted with hushed silence, for inside was the red telephone!!!!! He dialled the hotline, spoke rapidly into the receiver, glanced around nervously then handed it to me. Feeling like I'd just stepped on to the set of a James Bond movie, I half expected President Obama to be on the other end. Using my best teacher voice I answered the lady on the other end's questions thus, "We are lost, no nothing has happened to us, no, we didn't lose anything, we're just lost." "Oh." was all she said.
I handed the receiver back to the officer, he spoke to the lady for a moment then, crestfallen he looked at as his younger colleagues and shook his head as one of them explained they were sorry but couldn't help us. Bemused, we left the police station and hailed another tuk-tuk to take us back to Khaosan.
The next day there were the massages, first a jetlag busting 2hr Thai massage followed by barely 10 minutes of the fish massage after I had to run away crying for my mommy! We then leisurely mooched around the area, taking a seat on the terrace of a bar on Khaosan Rd. For ages I had wanted to have a Thai "bucket" of my favourite tipple and we eagarly ordered a bucket of mojito. Imagine my disappointment when this turned out to be not a mop bucket but merely a comedy bucket the size of the minis back in Madrid (1 litre).
We whiled away the time people watching when suddenly there was a flurry of excitement as a group of journalists ran down the street jostling eachother for the best spot. First came a marching band with banner proclaiming they were fundraising for Haiti then a troup of mounted policemen.
One of the horses did a big poo in the middle of the street and just when I thought I couldn't take any more, I turned to my left, looked down the street and there lumbering towards us were 3 elephants!
For a moment I was speechless, the table we had sat at was perched precariously on the curb which meant we had a front row view. I turned to my companion and cried, "Elephants!!" and waved my hand in the general direction. The creatures from a sanctury had been painted with a message of support for the victims of the tragedy in Haiti. The photographers and TV crews to our right went wild causing the procession to stop right in front of us. To our delight, waving a basket for donations in his trunk, the lead animal began to joke and peform tricks as more & more people reached for coins and notes.
All of this was caught on camera by myself and the professionals.
That evening, thankful that I had packed my heels, my travelling companion (TC) treated me to dinner, drinks and dancing at the Bed Supper Club. This all white interior, minimalist bar and restaurant is the place for Bangkok's beautiful people to hang out, the smoking terrace is sponsored by Moet, enough said! I thouroughly enjoyed the crayfish followed by seafood bisque and strawberry & star anise crepe along with the tasting wines. Later on I also liked the g&ts, French boys, the Cameroon male model and tearing up the dancefloor with the dj's girlfriend. At the end of the night, high on life, we grabbed one of the waiting tuk-tuks outside. To our squealing delight he proceeded to crank up the tunes on his tinny radio whilst doing wheelies and gangsta bouncing the tiny vehicle, racing his fellow drivers at traffic lights. Meanwhile my travelling companion's hair was buffeted into a glam rock dream.
When we finally arrived home giggling like school girls, TC and I immediately logged into our free wifi for essential Facebook and Twitter updates. I went to the loo, whilst in there I heard TC let out a howl of amusement. I rushed out to find her hysterical and pointing at the screen of her electronic device. "What?" I asked, "You" she replied through unstifled peals of laughter. I looked at the screen and there was a Reuteurs news channel Youtube video paused, I could see the aforementioned elephant and to his left was, me!
The next day we went for pre travelling massage at our now favourite salon. I, having some issues with stress and tension opted for a neck, back and shoulder massage. As the young lady pummelled my weary body all of the stresses and lows of the past months leading up the trip came to the fore. I groaned in agony as my muscles were beaten out of contraction and my back was cracked back into a straight position. When I emerged from the torture, there was a hushed but friendly silence. I was handed a very welcome cup of tea. As I sat down now aware of the tears in my eyes TC asked if I was ok, "No" I replied. As my muscles had screamed and moaned so my mind had revised the reasons that had caused them to become so twisted and mangled. The girls in the salon looked at me in a way that showed they had seen it all before, it was normal. Thai massage can ease your mind as well as your body.
Battered and bruised I limped back to our hostel and had a coffee before piling us and all our crap into the back of a pink taxi which took us to Hualamphong (umpaloompa!) station. Honestly, you'd expect the driver of a pink taxi to be a tad chirpier!
Many predictions were made and speculated as to what crazy events and freak accidents may befall me on this trip, so far I have suffered from elephantitis in my right hand, TC burnt her elbow with some chilli and I have appeared on the news, who knows what else is waiting for me along the way!
- Posted from my iPhone
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